“Let the hurt wash away

the moment you hear it spoken,

and remind yourself each day:

you, my friend, were never broken.”

-Excerpt from ‘time’   

I have been following Patrick Bex (known by his social media handle, Fluently Aspec) since I joined TikTok a few years ago. I was so pleased to hear his news of his first book– published to coincide with Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (18th-24th February)

and when he announced he was looking for people to receive an ARC in exchange for a review, I jumped at the chance!

Synopsis

In his debut poetry collection, American author and activist Patrick Bex explores how asexuality and aromanticism can affect love, identity and belonging as well as discussing his own experiences of being aspec. Through his evocative words and various poetic devices, Bex makes asexuals feel recognised and represented. But he also offers up a window into our experiences of being in a society that prioritises romantic and sexual love above all other kinds. 

“My love is not limited,

it knows no restraint or bounds.

I feel love for my closest friends,

for family, both blood and found.”

-Excerpt from ‘limitless’

Cut From the Same Cloth

Like the author, I am also an aroace writer and I rarely find myself represented in the media so it was incredibly refreshing to find a book so relatable to my own experiences as an asexual person.

Bex makes it clear that his experience of being aspec is not THE default–it is uniquely his own experience of  love, identity and belonging we all often struggle with. I found myself in the pages of Bex’s poetry– even his exploration of various poetry devices (haikus or cinquains or nonets) are similar to my own preferred styles of writing.

“Why can’t happiness mean

embracing the relationships I’ve found?

Why must I need a romantic partner 

when I’ve got the best people around?”

-Excerpt from ‘aspec happiness’

Some of My Favourites

In poetry collections, some poems hit harder than others and some punch you in the gut, leaving you on the floor gasping for breath. But Limitless felt like more than that, this book told his story. His personal journey. The protagonist began as a confused adolescent and grew in front of our eyes into an adult coming to terms with his sexuality and even becoming confident about it. 

The poems that hit me the hardest were often about the terminology, such as ‘found words’, ‘that word’, ‘trust’ and ‘asexual pride’. Bex begins by wondering if there is a word to describe his experiences, followed by the  elation of  finally finding it and coming to terms with how it applies to him. 

I also enjoyed his repetition of his sailboat metaphor throughout the book and how it connects beautifully with the illustration on the front cover. But the poem that got me where it hurts the most was ‘dear me, from me’ in which Bex speaks to himself at various ages and stages in life. I’ve used this technique myself from therapy and apologising to your inner child is a very scary and very brave step to take. I felt privileged to have read this. 

“Dear 28, you’re almost there;

You’ve finally found your place.

By 32, you’ll love being you –

Unbreakable aroace.”

-Excerpt from ‘dear me, from me’

Final Thoughts

Sometimes I read through a collection of poems in a single day, sometimes I read it over a year. While it didn’t take me quite as long, I took my time reading Limitless because I wanted to savour it. I took care in reading it because it felt like I was holding Bex’s heart in my hands rather than my phone.  Reading this book felt sacred and precious,  and writing about it was equally important– I wanted to do this ARC review justice. Reading Patrick Bex’s Limitless was an experience I will likely never forget and I can tell I’m going to go back to those words often as sources of inspiration, comfort and community.

“For every ace person

to find the answers they look for,

the stories to connect to,

and the experiences to explore. 

 

We need more diverse voices,

given a chance to soar.

You’ve heard my voice;

I want to hear yours.”

-Excerpt from ‘more’